​Please note: I'm hella heated and may continue to tinker with my language here and there, but my general controlling idea will remain the same.

​
Aunt Maries Are Not The Way. Today, I'm skipping the regular Current Curiosities to dive directly into Matthew Vines' wildly offensive opinion essay "I'm Gay, Not Queer. It Matters." published in this morning's ​New York Times. Happy last day of Pride Month, I guess.  

Like the titular Uncle Tom, Vines as Aunt Mary seeks to align himself with moderate and conservative Christian and white cisgender heterosexual systems of power by claiming (in the same misguided vein as the Human Rights Campaign) that we are just like you. That gay people, but not queer people, are deserving of equal rights.

But as we've learned, no amount of we're just like you will protect queer and trans communities from cishet bigotry and violence. We are always already other. And what Vines is actually saying is I am not like those other queers; rather I, a white cisgender gay man, am just like y'all white cisgender heterosexuals with all the power and protections that I covet - but only for myself.

Imagine hating yourself so deeply that you would willingly choose to aid your oppressor as your own community is targeted and harassed, as your oppressor finds new and well-worn ways of stripping your community of its rights to life and liberty. Again and again history and literature show us that the Aunt Maries, the Uncle Toms, the bootlickers themselves meet the same end as the communities they betray. No amount of we're just like you​ will protect you, will protect us. 

Vines represents a problematic and dangerous sect of white gays. That is to say, Vines' white and cisgender identities and his proximity to white cisgender heterosexual power overrides his solidarity with broader LGBTQ+ communities - particularly queer and trans communities of color. He seeks rights for himself and those who look like and act like him at the expense of equal rights for folks locating themselves (via sexual and romantic orientations, gender identities and expressions, etc.) under the broader queer umbrella. 

Queer is an identity. Queer is a call to action. Queer is a movement. Queer is a political statement. Queer is otherness and that is power. 

​Queer challenges oppressive heterosexual and white supremacist systems. (Vines should take a note.) Queer reclaims the slur that was hurled at us (and still is, though fagot seems to be more en vogue these days) on the playground, on the street, in schools and offices and churches. 

Queer is collective. Queer is our ability to work across our in-community differences in identity and gender and ethnicity and class. Queer confronts white cisgender heterosexual power, but not in the us/them binary Vines asserts. Rather, queer dismantles the systems upholding white cisgender heterosexual power.

​Queer is emancipatory. Queer is liberatory. Queer is our survival.

​And no amount of Vines' rejection of queerness or his we're just like you will protect him or any other queer or trans person from the bigotry and violence of white cisgender heterosexual power.

Thank you very much for your time. If you have recommendations or curiosities, please fill out this nifty contact form.

Sending y’all supportive, well-caffeinated vibes,

Creighton 

Today’s Pen(cil): Silver Fox Tools Limited Edition Mini Sharpie Caddy

P.S. This is why I've never been a supporter of Secretary Mayor Pete.

P.P.S. This also why I do not support Fargo-Moorhead Pride - it caters too much to the cishets without protest or advocacy for our rights. 

P.P.P.S. Am I in my Magneto era???

Current Curiosities

[Reading] Game Changers Rachel Reid 

[Listening] "Go West" by Pet Shop Boys

[Watching] Heated Rivalry ​and ​Red, White & Royal Blue (rewatches)


Over the last few weeks, I've free-written and reflected on what to write about for this Pride season. Nothing seemed right for our current polycrisis. Last year, I wrote about how to protect ourselves while attending Pride events and how allies can practice their allyship, so no need for a redux. 

Then as I was listening to Game Changers on Spotify, enjoying all the smut (complimentary!) and laugh-snorting at the narrator's interpretation of Kip's New York accent while reminiscing about my own early queer explorations, I realized I was feeling joy for the first time in what felt like weeks. I knew I wanted to write about queer joy, my recent queer joy. 

I've written about finding joy before, but with ever-increasing Christian and MAGA anti-trans and anti-queer bigotry and violence, I want to focus particularly on queer joy. 

Queer joy promotes flourishing and whimsy and delight. Queer joy exists in acts big and small, public and private. Queer joy is the counterpoint to the trauma and violence inflicted on our communities by cishet culture. Queer joy is survival and liberation and celebration. 

One thing brining me queer joy this season is seeing how many LGBTQ+ folks feel comfortable coming into the local hardware store where I work. When my federal research grants were canceled in 2025 by the Trump Administration (because my work focused on collaborating with women and minority-owned businesses and educational institutions), I began working at my neighborhood hardware store. 

​As a queer person, it hasn't always been easy working at this particular hardware store. Spaces like this are designed for cishet men and are not always safe for queer and trans folks. 

However, in my year of working at the shop, I've noticed an increase in queer and trans customers visiting the store. Some are regulars. Some are first-timers. Some are elders. Some are college students temporarily living the valley. I love seeing more queer folks shopping, feeling comfortable asking questions and taking up space - space not intended for us. And I love every minute of collaboratively problem solving whatever challenge they bring into the hardware store.

Helping to build a more inclusive hardware store community brings this queer joy. Being kind and creative and useful brings this queer joy. What brings you queer joy this Pride season? 

I wish y'all love and joy this Pride season! And please remember to hydrate! 

Thank you very much for your time. If you have recommendations or curiosities, please fill out this nifty contact form.

Sending y’all supportive, well-caffeinated vibes,

Creighton 

Today’s Pen(cil): Sharpie Mini [Permanent Marker]

P.S. As always, cops do not belong at Pride. Every queer and trans person, regardless of citizenship status, race or ethnicity, deserves to feel safe celebrating Pride. As Roxane Gay wrote in her thoughtful 2021 New York Times opinion piece, police harassment of LGBTQ+ communities did not start with the Stonewall Riots and did not end afterward. And BIPOC queer and trans communities bear the brunt of contemporary police harassment.

Tomorrow marks the official start of Pride season. And honestly, this year I am more concerned than ever about the safety of my fellow LGBTQ+ community members.

We now live in a post-Trump conviction era — and as a country, we have witnessed again and again what his aggrieved followers do when Trump and his ideology lose. And Trump lost bigly yesterday. The threat of danger to queer and trans folks this Pride is incredibly real.

Allies, your role at Pride must evolve past simply showing up in support and celebrating. As allies, you may be called upon to upstand, to intervene when queer or trans people are being threatened, harassed, or harmed.


Upstanding for Allies

If you witness harassment or violence targeting queer or trans Pride attendees, it’s your job as an ally to upstand.

• Follow the 4 Ds
  • DISTRACT — pull the perpetrator’s attention away from their target
  • DELEGATE​ — ask for help from other bystanders
  • DELAY​ — check in with the target
  • DIRECT​ — interact bluntly with the perpetrator and their target

​

• Bonus D (yep)
  • ​DOCUMENT​ — record the harassment or violence on your phone​

For more on upstanding, check out this Bystander Intervention Tip Sheet from the American Psychological Association.


Safety Reminders for LGBTQ+ Folks

• Hydrate. Over the summer, Pride events are often hot and overcrowded. Be sure to drink water, especially if you are celebrating with alcohol or other substances.
• Know Your Exits. In the event of MAGA violence, identify the quickest route to a safe location.
• Share Your Location. Again, in the event of MAGA violence, the ability to locate and know the safety of LGBTQ+ friends and fam will be important.
• Charge Your Phone. Be sure your phone is fully charged in case of an emergency — and to take hella cute photos and videos.
• Have Fun! That's it — that's the bullet point.

An Additional Consideration
​
Cops do not belong at Pride. Every queer and trans person, regardless of citizenship status, race or ethnicity, deserves to feel safe celebrating Pride. As Roxane Gay wrote in her thoughtful 2021 New York Times opinion piece, police harassment of LGBTQ+ communities did not start with the Stonewall Riots and did not end afterward. And BIPOC queer and trans communities bear the brunt of contemporary police harassment.

Fellow queer and trans folks, I wish y'all happiness and love this Pride season. Be safe, be proud, be you.

Thank you very much for your time and consideration. If you have questions, curiosities, or are interested in learning more about inclusion and leadership possibilities for yourself or your organization, please fill out this nifty contact form.

Sending y’all supportive, well-caffeinated vibes,

Creighton

Today’s Pen(cil): Musgrave Pencil Company Tennessee Red [Wood Pencil]